Monday, December 29, 2008

today's list

always sweet: nursing baby H in bed, today she was the first to awake

always makes me laugh: Lilit

person I'm always happy to see: Jane

r-e-l-i-e-f: hydrocodone

I have the best: husband

oh my they are really growing up: N and E are rolling rolling rolling all over the place

best sound: any sound coming from one of my babies, grunt, poop, cooing, laughing, lip smacking

tonight's treat: gf pizza

looking forward to: girls night tomorrow

Sunday, December 28, 2008

today's list

something you can only do with a baby who is yours: kiss her on the lips

LOL: baby E pulled me in quickly and smooched me with her little wet mouth wide open

thankful to the goyim: for this nice long holiday weekend with hubbie and the girls

person I'm always happy to see: Haley

person I'm always happy to talk to (and finally!): Stacey

last night of Hanukkah: let's make latkes

so cute!: I tried on one of the dresses from Hanukah on baby N

precious: baby H staring and smiling at big sister H

just amazing: Carrie is 33 w 2 days pregnant with her triplets, yeah

accomplishment of the day: homemade latkes, yum-yum

been thinking about it all week: latkes with chocolate sauce

everyone thought it would be gross: yum-yum-yum - crispy latkes with Hershey's chocolate sauce and applesauce and sour cream, next time: ice cream too!

purchase of the day: on sale online clothes for the girls, winter for the big H, spring/summer for the little HEN

Saturday, December 27, 2008

today's list - and yesterday

person I'm always happy to see: my big little bro Josh

nicest person ever to spend Shabbat with: see above

today's poop smile: E seems to poop in the front half of her diaper not the back half?

the way it should be: another Shabbat with plenty of delicious homemade food

guest chef of the Shabbat: Uncle Josh

new treat: cream cheese brownies, gluten-free of course, yum-meeee

baby developmental developments: H is rolling over from tummy to back about once a day now, holding her head up much more, N is rolling from back to tummy a couple times a day, more from side to side, E is rolling every which way, on her tummy with head held high most of the day

conundrum of the day: H didn't nap at all, finally after 5 pm we put her in the swing, she is already up again! oh, and she woke up at 5:20 am

new trick: H had a few spoons of rice cereal, just for fun

surprise of the day: spontaneous Shabbat guests, favorite friends, always welcome

interaction #1 of the day: E and N "fighting" over a toy, the Lamaze Eric Carle Butterfly with cellophane in it

interaction #2 of the day: E rolling herself over onto her sisters

nickname for E: little jumping bean

speaking of beans: during the shesh-besh competition the two J's were also having a who-can pass-more-gas challenge, the dog joined in and I needed a mask

so beautiful: seven nights of candles glowing in my window, increase the light

beautiful body moment: I fit into Husband's fleece pants, and that is a good thing

weather wonder: 62 degrees after a below zero week with tons of snow, now melted and flooding the area

but its so nice: windows open, fresh air

very very very nice: 10 minute feeding 3 babies, last night, three adults one baby each, feeding simultaneously, why has that never ever happened before?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

today's list

#1: all I have to do is look at them

#2: kiss and hug them for more smiles

#3: watch them interact with each other

#4: they really are miracles

#5: absolutely amazing, when you stop to think about it, and thankfully lately I've had moments to think!

what a trooper: little E had a heart monitor on for 24 hours and she was amazing, even when I was peeling the super sticky things off her chest

its almost over: 1 day till no more xmas songs or tv specials

person I'm always happy to speak with: Sharyn

even if I don't really feel like it: act as if because this too shall pass

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

today's list

what time is it?: 9 am wake up

conversation: the trio were just hanging out "talking" in their cribs

huge smile: E is head up smiling, surveying the scene, N is feet up excited as always, H is selective with her sounds, but clearly communicating

more: snow

pleasant surprise: Husband warmed up and cleared off car, shoveled for me

only now that I'm a mommy: E and I were 30 minutes early for her appointment today, early?

quite nice: seeing an old friend, actually my Jr. High School BF, now a doc at Children's

go figure: spit up on my cashmere sweater, donned for going out to the hospital

yes: I smile at the darnedest things these days, even secretions and excretions

what a trooper: E barely notices the halter monitor, except that she tries to chew and pull at the wires

third night of Hanukkah: three miracles, just love watching the candles glow and burn, showing the girls the beauty of a mitzvah

Monday, December 22, 2008

today's list - yesterday too!

heart warming: staring session with E

awwwww: E fell asleep in my arms, I just kept holding her, not something that happens much with triplets

yesterday's big surprise: E started smacking her lips and blowing kisses at me

developmental developments: H is holding her head up for longer periods of time

to be fair: N is as happy as ever, likes to navigate herself so her feet are facing her sisters, then proceed to "touch them with her feet", and she still makes this adorable sound of excitement

babies' first Hanukah:
Savta got them cute clothes, plus beautiful fancy dresses for her wedding

oh well: they will probably only wear each one time, considering our stay at home winter

stay at home winter attire: fleece footie pajamas, oh so comfy and cute, velour pants for me

helper of the day: Sade, who comes every Monday afternoon

person I'm always happy to see: Dan, now from NYC

so nice: adult conversation

second night of Hanukah, first gift from Eema to babies: Mini Masters, board books with paintings by Degas, Matisse, Van Gogh and Monet

better than all the gifts and clothes, big sister H loves: her new pink snow pants, she wore them ALL day yesterday

entertainment of the day: PBS Hanukah special "Lights! Celebrate Hanukkah! Live in Concert" with Craig Taubman, Alberto Mizrachi, Michelle Citrin, Josh Nelson, Joshua Nelson, Dave Koz, Mare Winningham and the Klezmatics

Saturday, December 20, 2008

today's list

grateful for: one-on-one time with the big girl

so cute: the little ones are "playing" with each other

if I'm not annoyed about it I can smile in disbelief and say: how DOES he sleep ALL day?

more: snow

person I'm always happy to see: Dafna

crazy play moment: playing bongo on baby bellies to the tunes of the Abudaya

I did it!: every baby had a bath, massage, bottle and bed, chick-chuk

the house is: quiet

I am: not falling over

two: record number of times I went out in last 24 hours without any babies, to shul, just me and the big girl

Friday, December 19, 2008

today's list

let it snow: snow day!

bonus: extra time with s-daughter

sweetness: 6 yr old H woke me up, her hug, her love for her sisters, her amazement at snow

something different: today I cooked all day and took care of babies in between, instead of the usual 24/7 babies with short interruptions

I'm a convert: to Peapod

confidence: even with snow storm school closings Peapod came 10 minutes into their 2 hour delivery window

the way things should be: We have tons of home-cooked food for Shabbat

exercise of the day: standing at the counter for hours in my MBTs

angel moment: Shabbat is here momentarily

Shabbat Shalom: may the angels of peace be with us, may our special souls shine, may

Thursday, December 18, 2008

today's list

person I'm always happy to see: my s-daughter, even when she comes home from school tired and whiny and for 45 minutes refuses to take off her snot-covered shirt and snow drenched jeans

warms my heart: to see the big sister reading to her baby sisters, and she read all 64 pages of "Are You My Mother?" and only needed help with one word - "know"

surprise of the day: there is chocolate in the house!

coolest thing about using Peapod: Hanukah candles and gelt are weekly specials - nice

funniest sight of the day: s-daughter laying with her pillow in the windowsill


prayers:
healing for everyone I've listed already, love for my family and my friends, multi-fold blessings to everyone who had been helping us out from pregnancy to delivery to NICU to just home and moved to 6 months later, may light increase, courage and peace and hope prevail

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

today's list

person I'm always happy to see: Sara, the amazing babysitter

never thought I'd be excited about having a minivan: but it has auto-start, so the car (covered in snow in our outdoor parking space) warms up and defrosts before I even put my boots on

purchase of the day: new zebra print comforter and sheet set, great price at Marshall's where I went to get a gift for Sara

gift (received) of the day: Mom is gifting the above bedding as a belated anniversary gift

gift (given) of the day: red Isotoner gloves for Sara, who showed up this morning with freezing fingers

fantasy of the day (actually for every day until it comes true): Sara becomes available to take care of my girls every day.,I'd sell the minivan to pay her - well, we need it for the brood; I'll cash in my pension instead

refu'ah shleima prayers for healing:
for all the I've listed in the past week

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

today's list

beautiful sight: chunky white snowflakes falling, before they meant that Savta wouldn't be coming to babysit tonight

one thing I never imagined smiling about: poop

finally, woo-hoo!: after 3 or more days, baby N pooped

I knew it: she needed a breast milk breakfast

product of the day: Costco's own brand Kirkland wipes

birthday girl of the day: Grammy, who is 87 today and moving to the nursing home for rehab from the hospital

laugh out loud #1: an hour after putting sleeping E in her crib, on her back, for naptime, I find her on her tummy head held high waiting for a rescue

laugh out loud #2: H is snoring

just plain fun:
new features on Picassa - collages, text, etc...


refu'a shleima prayers for healing:

Talia and Ellen who were in a car accident this morning

Monday, December 15, 2008

today's list

accomplishment of the day - yesterday: giving each of the trio a bath

pleasure of the day - today: smelling clean babies

6 month birthday gift to the girls: massage after bath

pleasure of the day - yesterday: giving each girl her massage

surprise of the day -yesterday: H finally rolled over!

product of the day -yesterday: California Baby Super Sensitive Massage Oil

silver lining of being stuck at home because 1) my infant triplets are at risk for rsv and 2) its way too exhausting to take them out by myself: I don't even notice the freezing winter weather

bonus of freezing winter conditions: I can leave 2 full bags of dirty diapers outside my door and the neighbors won't complain about the smell, said diapers will be nice and frozen by the time Husband comes home to take them to the dumpster

gold lining of not being able to leave the house in December: I don't have to listen to annoying Christmas music everywhere

diaper miracle of the day: E did not poop out, no need to change her clothes with the diaper change

exercise for the day: wearing my MBTs around the house (walk to the kitchen - stand and make bottles - walk back - stand and change a diaper - pick up a baby - feed a baby -walk to bedroom to change spit up pants -walk back to the living room - repeat above two times - bend to turn over a baby - gather laundry - walk to laundry machine - stand and change a diaper -walk/stand to getmake a bottle - walk to couch to feed a baby - repeat three times - walk to put laundry in dryer - walk to the couch - walk to bedroom to change spit up pants - repeat all 4 times a day)

happy memory of the day: when we had a refrigerator of homemade food stocked for months by amazing shul friends and members

happy moment of the day: dancing with my girls, one at a time, to Billy Joel and Mariah Carey


refu'a shleima prayers for healing:
Carrie and all the multiple moms-to-be
Sarah, still in pain and making the rounds of doctors
Cari, fighting breast cancer
Grammy, recovery from yesterday's surgery

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Six month birthday of three little smilemakers

Six months ago today I gave birth to my three little smile makers. They make lots of smiles now - when they notice I'm standing above their cribs in the morning, when they notice each other, when they see their favorite toys, when they surprise themselves with a funny or new noise or movement, and anytime I smile at them. They make me smile too, but there were many months when I wasn't smiling much at all.

I wasn't smiling when they were conceived. I don't even know the exact moment my husband's sperm was injected into my retrieved eggs. I was achy, my ovaries swollen, my ass sore from intramuscular shots, my belly distended from other shots, my bruised soul hopeful - still.

I did smile three days later when I watched the burst of light on the monitor as three embryos were placed into my womb. In that moment I began talking to them, encouraging them to make a home there, promising them that I would take care of them, love them and nourish them.

The day after Thanksgiving was 13 days post-transfer when I got that phone call. I dropped to my knees and screamed. I cried and cried and cried and screamed and screamed and laughed a little. I shook my head in disbelief, in relief. I enjoyed the moment, yet I knew we had a long way to go.

I did smile when we saw those three dark circles in the ultrasound. I remembered a years ago vision of myself with three babies. My husband was not smiling; a tear rolled down his face.

There was not a whole lot of smiling during my pregnancy either. Its not that I was unhappy or ungrateful. Quite the opposite, I was thrilled and hopeful even after hearing the horrific statistics about triplet pregnancies. Friends that were astounded with our news did not understand (or did not discuss) the dangers for our babies and for me, and even my husband and I ignored the repeated rational logical statistical warnings of the doctors. We were in shock, and also in love with these fragile dividing cells.

I was not smiling when I started vomiting from the triple levels of hormones, but eventually I did laugh when I realized that I was the only person on the planet who got sick from a sip of water. Funny, I was already metamorphosing into a completely new being, cell-by-cell, organ-by-organ.

I definitely smiled when I saw their hearts beating, when I heard their hearts beating, when I saw images of their faces and limbs, a tush here, a hand there.

Growing at triple the rate, my body stretched and then expanded more and more and more. I kept talking to those souls. I did not sleep one night the entire pregnancy. I kept talking to those souls. The aches started around 15 weeks, trading places with the nausea. I kept talking to them. The real pain set in. I loved those souls. I drank gallons of water for them, I ate obscene quantities of food for them, I took multiple vitamins and supplements for them, I settled into my sofa to keep them safe.

I possibly smiled when I reached the thresholds of 20 weeks, then 28, then 32. There were a few smiles here and there, as I expressed appreciation to the people who took care of me when I surrendered to helplessness. The appreciation was super genuine, but the smiles were forced through extreme discomfort and constant pain. I smiled at Pat, the phlebotomist, at my doctor's office, because she was so sweet to me. I smiled when I finally got into the swimming pool during my 32nd week of pregnancy - ah, the relief.

I looked in the mirror at my huge belly and over-sized body and smiled. "You guys are in there," I commented. I treated myself to an in-house prenatal massage, but there was no bliss. I lived moment to moment, tried not to complain, tried to stay sane, tried to express gratitude, endured lots of pain. Its all I could do. And, I kept talking to those beautiful souls, generating love and safety for them.

If my triplet pregnancy was about endurance, the first six months of my babies' lives have been about survival. When they were 3 or 4 months old I realized that I had not been able to enjoy them. The minute to minute tasks of caring for them were so demanding, that even though I acted with the deepest love, I was so in the moment I couldn't afford to step back. I became sad when this realization arose during a conversation with another mom of multiples, but comforted in part when she said her experience was the same. Sleeping through the night helps, but this survival mode runs much deeper than sleep deprivation. My body has suffered, my soul has retreated. I've been in a mental tornado, a disorienting spin. Mother instincts have taken over; my motivation is purely to keep these girls growing.

Little by little, I am remembering things and putting my memories back together. With the help of my husband and others who journeyed to Babyland with us, I am finally remembering the day they were born, the weeks that followed in the NICU, and the months until this day. I'm learning how to succeed at survival, and how to celebrate each sweet moment with my three blessings.

While still in survival mode, I'm at long last sane and serene enough to smile. My husband and I are in it together, trying desperately not to hurt each other, striving to support and strengthen one another, steering our relationship through these struggles, holding onto our love and faith and trust. As much as we can during our cycles of stress, we smile at each other and with one another.

These baby girls are sweet souls, and that gives me a sweet smile. These children are beautiful blessings, and that brightens my smile. They are undeniably smile makers. Now I have survived enough that I can kiss kiss kiss my girls, dance dance dance with them, hug hug hug them and smile smile smile at them. My three little smile makers are six months old!


Today's list of smilemaker memories, flashback from June 14, 2008:

sweet morning: woke up feeling peaceful this Shabbat morning, the sun is rising, all is quiet

best view from a hospital room: Lake Michigan and Michigan Avenue - the nurses took pity on me yesterday and moved me to a huge corner room (room 968), with two walls of windows, I look east and see big sky and blue water, my north view allows me to look west and see Michigan Avenue

Dr. G called from whale watching in Maine and said: today is the day

facial expression of the day: Jeff as he took that phone call and then repeated those words to me, tears welling up in his eyes

person I can't (don't want to) live without: my husband

Funniest moment: Grammy in the pre-op room asking the nurse why all nurses are named Mary

2nd funniest moment: Mom in the pre-op room telling the doctor she should have seen me before I was pregnant and telling her to look at photos of me on my website, of course she blurted out the URL too

comforting moment: Carol the mid-wife saw my name on the board and came to say hello while I was in pre-op

reassuring moment: as they were rolling me into the OR, Dr. McG told me that she checked out my website

3rd funniest moment: Dr. McG saying: "I looked at the pictures of you on the site, you were hot!"

most blessed moments: 4:55 pm, 4:56 pm, 4:57 pm

best Father's Day gifts: baby A, baby B, baby C - all girls!

today I became: a mother, mommy, eema to three babies

coolest thing about my body: it carried three babies at once for 33 weeks and 4 days

next coolest thing about my body: I produced milk (ok- for today colostrum) for my babies

what a relief!: I can stand again, I can walk once more, I can enjoy hot water running over me in the shower

what a triple miracle!: I see my babies, I touch my babies, I have three babies

Refu'a shleima prayers for healing:
for all the women out there carrying triplets or other high order multiples (HOM), may you be blessed with patience and hope, courage, strength and love. May your community care for you as you care for your growing babies. May you and your babies grow and thrive, and may you be blessed with
the best medical care available and a safe delivery and speedy recovery .

for everyone yearning to become a parent, may your wishes be granted. May you find solace in talking to the soul/s that are meant to join you in life, may you be granted strength and patience and courage on your journey.
may your spirit stay steady and supported as you struggle with your limitations.

for all my fellow new triplet and HOM moms, may our bodies recover speedily, may we find compassion to live with our still mercurial hormones, and the perseverance to live under constant and unique stress and may our hearts forever be filled with love. May we find the grace to accept help, even when they don't do it our way. May our children grow in health and strength in love and in wisdom and be a blessing to us, our families, our communities and to the universe. May we support one another always and find comfort in our shared experiences. May we enjoy and celebrate our little smilemakers.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

today's list

canine angel of the day: R, for waking Husband up early for a walk and thereby making him available/alert/upright when E and N woke up in the morning

canine blanket of the day: my very own big red dog, who allowed the babies to use her for a tummy time prop for as long as they wanted to

magic hour: 9:40 in the morning when I first awoke from a long night of uninterrupted sleep

realization of the day: becoming aware that even though I had been sleeping, two of the three babies had awoken, been changed, had tummy time, eaten breakfast and were back to sleep (not)

sweetest moments of the day: nursing baby H each morning

oh, there I am: looking in the mirror after showering, blow-drying my hair, applying makeup and getting dressed

mommy is the best moment: N is still awake when I get home at 11 pm. She would not take the bottle from her father, nor would she fall asleep. She takes the bottle from me, and falls asleep moments after I put her in the swing.

accomplishment of the day: not reacting

voice in my head: Marie, saying: "don't react" and "let's be practical"

another reason to smile: my triplets are six months old tomorrow


refu'a sheleima prayers for healing:
  • for Sarah, who has been in the hospital twice this week and had a spinal tap to drain fluid from her optical nerve
  • for Grammy, who has been cleared for surgery and is scheduled to have it tomorrow
  • for Carrie, always, and those three souls she is guarding in her womb

Friday, December 12, 2008

today's list

first kiss of the day: from six year old H, who came to my bed to give me a "boker tov" with her sweet kiss

person I can't (ok don't want to) live without: my weekly cleaning lady Barbara, even though she puts clothes in the wrong places and makes getting dressed take longer...but I don't get dressed much these days and she DOES do the laundry and clean everything else

amusing activity of the day: watching N turn herself around to kick E in the legs, tummy and face, then H in the tummy too, watching them begin to notice each other and reach out grasp one another

accomplishment of the day: getting the girls to take their am and afternoon naps in THEIR room instead of the living room

helper of the day: Rosabelle, who drove way-way-way west to return the rented baby scale and pump

person I'm always happy to see: Paul the dog walker

news I'm glad to hear: our computer is fixed and Husband is picking it up right now

other things that make me smile: today is yom ha'shishi so Shabbat is coming!!!


Refu'a Shleima prayers for healing:
  • for Grammy who did not have her surgery today due to fluid on her lungs (Dina bat Chaya Sarah)
  • for Carrie and family as she goes into week 31 of her triplet pregnancy, may her babies grow and grow and grow healthy and may she find patience and courage and strength to persevere
  • for Barbara mother of Sherre who is being treated for brain cancer

Thursday, December 11, 2008

today's list

things that make me smile: the huge smile that covers E's face when she looks up at me

developments of the day: E had rolled onto her stomach this am in the crib, H did a 180, everyone napped from 2-4:30 pm

funniest moment of the day: big sister H got a face full of spit up from N

person I can't live without: my mom

product of the day: Pampers Swaddlers (moving up to size 2-3, we tried another brand but they LEAKED-EEK!)

purchase of the day: Crane yellow humidifier

service of the day: pick-up/drop-off by Chip at Animal Lovers

surprise of the day: how much I love love love Jeff's beard

decision of the day: to start blogging

refu'a shleima prayers for healing: for Grammy who is having surgery (again) tomorrow